NO STANDING

One afternoon a middle-aged woman came before me. She was outraged, she was angry, and she was a ticket-waver, flapping at me. She started right in trying to explain saying, "This is crazy! You won't believe this!" I said, "Well, we'll see. But first I have to swear you in." So I asked for her driver's license and made her swear to tell the truth.

As soon as she had handed it to me, she immediately started in re-flapping the ticket, and said in an outraged voice, "This is a ticket for 'no standing!' I got this for NO STANDING! I wasn't standing! I had PARKED my CAR!"

I was starting to get the picture. Looking at her license, I said, "I see you're from Indiana, is that right? What brings you to New York?" She replied, "My daughter is graduating from NYU." "So you're here for the week?" "Yes!" "Is this is your first time visiting NY?" "Yes!," still somewhat outraged.

I called a short recess.

A former NY friend of mine, Adrian, had moved to Bloomington, Ind, a few years ago, so I took a shot in the dark and called her. Luckily she was home! "Hi, Adrian! Tell me, do they have 'No Standing' signs in Indiana?" Adrian laughed and said, "You know, I haven't seen one since I've been here." So I thanked Adrian, hung up and returned to the courtroom.

I called the woman back to the bench, and said, "Tell me, did you see a sign where you were parked?" "Yes, it said 'No Standing!'" "And what did you think the sign meant?" "Well it said, 'No Standing' so I assume it meant people couldn't stand there so there would be room for parking!" I grinned and said, "Welcome to New York!" and proceeded to explain to her the mysteries of No Standing, No Waiting, and No Parking.

She had no real defense, of course, except ignorance of the laws of New York, which is no defense. So technically she was guilty, but I just couldn't bring myself to check the "guilty" box on the ticket. When she had walked in she was so sure she was right, and I guess in Indiana she probably would have been.

So I dismissed the ticket, "in the interest of fairness," and she left satisfied that justice had been done.

(I paid dearly for this decision, however. Since all the other respondents waiting in the hearing room had heard both the case and the decision, the rest of my morning was spent reminding local residents of the difference between "fairness" and New York City's parking laws.)

rev. 2002-02-17