When I first started working as a parking judge, I worked in the Hearings by Mail Unit. This is the unit of judges that responds to people who mail in their tickets with written defenses & letters of explanation. I’m not sure what people imagine happens when they send their letters in, but a group of us judges sit around in a big room, reading the letters and writing responses. When a really good letter comes in, a judge might announce out loud, “Hey, check this one out!” and read it aloud for everyone’s general entertainment.
I don’t think I’ll ever forget the first letter I opened which was stapled to a ticket for double parking. When I read it I was amazed. I knew right then and there that being a parking judge was not just going to be a stepping stone for me, it was going to be an end unto itself.
While I no longer have that letter, I remember it verbatim:
“Your Honor! You’ll never believe what happened to me. (Note: I thought: “go ahead, try me”). I was driving my car on the Queens Blvd minding my own business, lighting my cigarette with the car lighter, when suddenly the lighter fell out of my hand and onto the car floor!! Well, recognizing that this was an emergency, I promptly pulled over into the double-parked position. I put my car in Park, put on my blinkers, and bent down to find the lighter. I was down for less than a minute. Imagine my surprise when I popped my head back up and, Lo and Behold, there was a ticket on my windshield!!! Please help me with this confusion. Sincerely, Mr. A.”
So I’m not sure what anybody else would have done with that ticket. On the one hand, I thought, could it be true? Seems like a person would be able to pick up a lighter in just a couple of seconds. And wouldn’t a person writing a ticket take longer than that? And wouldn’t the traffic agent see the person inside, even if they were bent over?? The guy was probably making this up. Maybe. On the other hand, do I really want to remember my first decision ever in the history of Jeff Busch decisions, as a “guilty?” Wouldn’t that make me one of those “hanging judges?” Oh, God, it could show up on my headstone: “Jeff Busch, Hanging Judge.”
So after a thoughtful minute I responded:
Sir --
In New York you can only double park to expeditiously pick up and/or discharge a passenger who has no luggage. You were not doing that. You can also double park if you have a medical emergency. I would not consider this a “medical” emergency. Lastly you could double park if you had a disabled vehicle, but even a flat tire is not so disabling as to warrant double parking, and it seems to this judge that a potential carpet burn is not a disabling condition. However, in light of the brevity of the stop (read: I love the story) fine is reduced from $55 to $15. Consider this violation one of the lesser known risks of smoking.
I knew then and there that I was going to love being a parking judge and the petty power that comes with it. In the years since this first decision I have received dozens of letters and live respondents with almost exactly the same story. I got a fun variation on the them some months later when a woman in Harlem had the “ember” from her cigarette fly into the back seat and start a paper fire in her school papers. I remember stopping this woman part way through her story saying “Wait , let me guess: ticket for double parking issued while you were putting out the fire in the back seat?” My guess was right!