Will the "if" become a "when?" (West Hartford Life)
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
By: Tracey Weiss

Same-sex couples want the right to be married in Connecticut

Jody Mock and Beth Kerrigan are a loving couple living the American dream.
“We do everything our neighbors do,” Ms. Mock said.

“We take our kids (six-year-old twins Fernando and Carlos) to school and work as boring insurance people. Except for the fact that we’re two women, we’re the same as any other couple that is married with a family.”

But there’s one huge difference. By law, the West Hartford couple can’t get married.

All of that could change soon and organizations such as Love Makes a Family (LMF) and the Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD) are working hard to make that change.

The lawsuit
There are two ways same-sex couples could be recognized in Connecticut: either through the state’s Supreme Court or by a bill that would pass in the legislature. Either way is viable.

Ms. Mock and Ms. Kerrigan are the named plaintiffs in the lawsuit Kerrigan & Mock v. Connecticut Department of Public Health.

Filed by GLAD and state-based attorneys, the lawsuit is on behalf of eight Connecticut couples that were denied licenses to marry in Madison, a right that GLAD contends is unconstitutional. The Department of Public Health and its commissioner are named because they supervise the marriage registration process.

“It started in 2004. We went to Madison with the other couples, asked for the license and were turned down, one by one,” Ms. Kerrigan said.

“It was bizarre. Fernando was sick and it was a big day for us. Here we’ve got this sick child, but also an important mission in the long run. I felt bad.”

“I was shaky and teary,” Ms. Mock said of the process. “It’s sad to be denied something,” Ms. Kerrigan added. “I knew what the answer would be. It’s like asking a person to dance and they say no, but you still have some hope.”

The lawsuit is now in the hands of the state Supreme Court. An attorney for GLAD presented an oral argument in May 2007.

The decision “is taking longer than expected,” said Anne Stanback, executive director of LMF, a statewide non-profit advocacy organization working for equal marriage rights for same-sex couples in Connecticut. The group carries out its mission through community education, grassroots organizing and legislative advocacy and lobbying.

“The court has no time frame,” she said. “It’s not clear when it will happen, but it will happen. I continue to be confident that there will be a positive ruling.”

Previous legislation
In January 2007, state Sen. Andrew J. McDonald and state Rep. Michael Lawlor, co-chairmen of the Judiciary Committee, announced the introduction of a bill that would give same-sex couples full marriage rights in the state of Connecticut. The bill passed the judiciary committee by a vote of 27-15 three months later.

At the time, Connecticut became only the second state in U.S. history, after California, to have a legislative body vote in favor of same-sex marriage.

“If the court doesn’t rule in favor,” Ms. Stanback said, “it’s back to the legislature. We have the votes in the Senate to pass” and she expects support from the House as well.

But there is strong opposition from numerous parties and Gov. M Jodi Rell has made it public that she will veto any same-sex marriage bill. Ms. Stanback is hopeful that other legislators will try to persuade her from doing so.

Governor Rell did, however, support the bill to allow civil unions that went into effect in October 2005.

A civil union is a legal status afforded to same-sex couples, but without the same rights as married couples. Among other things, civil unions are not recognized outside the state that grants them, nor is a partner’s decision to make a medical decision binding outside the state.

Civil union partners must file federal taxes individually and do not receive Social Security or death benefits.

Also in the equation is the federal mandate called the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), passed by Congress and signed into law in 1996 by then-President Bill Clinton. It denies federal rights and benefits to same-sex couples and gives states without a same-sex marriage law the right to ignore the marriage of a couple, should they be in that particular state.

A real marriage
Katy and Tracy Weber Tierney of West Hartford are in a civil union and were the first couple to become legally joined when the law passed. But long before that, the two decided to marry, the old-fashioned way.

“Civil union was important to us,” Tracy said. “We wanted to put it on the books.”

But a ceremony was much more important to them.

“Marriage is an integral part of society,” Katy said. “People understand you as how you are related. So if there was ever any doubt about our lifetime commitment, we wanted to get married.”

The couple, who met through friends while both were pursuing graduate degrees in nursing, proposed to each other twice.

“We both said, ‘I want a ring. I want a ring,’” Katy added. “We wanted a ceremony with bridesmaids and our hair and makeup done.”

Of the 200 people who attended the ceremony, Katy said “180 of them were happy, 15 were horrified at the conservative wedding we had and 15 thought we were too liberal and crazy.”

Their wedding, as well as screen-worn media footage of the couple kissing after their civil union, was used in a documentary produced by LMF called “Marriage Makes a Word of Difference.”

Katy and Tracy were one of six couples featured in the 44-minute movie by Fran Rzeznik about Connecticut couples that are part of the fight to gain the same rights as those in heterosexual unions.

“We wanted to have kids and be together. So that’s what you do. You get married. I was raised in a big family where we have big weddings and big funerals,” Tracy said.

“The whole notion of marriage has a religious backdrop, the idea of merging two families. The verbiage and words come after that. It’s not a legal marriage, but we don’t have another word to use, except for married,” she added.

“We use other words to say what we mean,” Katy said.

The two refer to each other as “my wife.”

“If you say, ‘this is my partner,’ 17 other questions about your relationship come up,” Katy added.

“If someone were married and suddenly there was a law that said there was no such thing,” Tracy said, “would you stop calling that person your wife?”

Ms. Mock and Ms. Kerrigan have decided against a civil union, choosing instead to have attorneys cover any legal issues, such as wills and power of attorney.

“We have the luxury of being able to pay for those services,” Ms. Kerrigan said. “Not everyone does, though.”

“We don’t want to do both,” Ms. Mock said.

“And I’m very confident marriage will happen. I’m not sure what we would gain by having a civil union.”

State Rep. Beth Bye of West Hartford is optimistic that same sex marriages will be the norm soon.

“Civil unions are clearly separate and unequal. The sensible thing hasn’t been done. But these things take time. As more time passes, people will realize the sky hasn’t fallen,” she said.

“All of our lives are pretty dull. We’re a lot like everyone. We’re all working on relationships and we’re lucky to find that person who is right for us. That should be recognized,” she added.

“But everything takes time. This is a big time for us in our society.”

In a perfect world, what would both couples like to see happen?

“I’d love to see the repeal of DOMA,” Tracy said. “I’d love for it to go. That it would be declared unconstitutional.”

For Katy, the safety and progressive nature of Connecticut is enough.

“I grew up in Ohio and it’s a totally different world. I feel safe here and extremely lucky we live in an amazing time. So mainstream.”

“In a perfect world, this is not a discussion. We should be recognized for what we are,” Ms. Kerrigan said.

“This should be a non-issue. We grew up with Lucy and Ricky in twin beds and now ‘Will & Grace’ is on. But I hope it will happen. I am cautiously hesitant.”