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After Marriage Equality - What Direction Should Love Makes A Family Take? (Orange Bulletin)
Thursday, December 4, 2008
By: Bridget Albert
For more than two decades Anne Stanback has been working for gay and lesbian folk. Early on her activism was barely a blip on the screen. But for the past few years Stanback, and her organization Love Makes A Family, have made inroads many never thought they would see in their lifetime.
Stanback is the executive director, and founder of LMF, a statewide nonprofit advocacy organization working for equal marriage rights for same-sex couples in Connecticut. They focus on community education, grass-roots organizing and legislative advocacy and lobbying.
New Haven Superior Court Judge Jonathan E. Silbert signed an order allowing same-sex couples to get their marriage licenses on Nov. 12. He did this to comply with the state Supreme Court decision on Oct. 10, that said separate is not equal and it is unconstitutional to discriminate against gay men and lesbians in marriage.
Stanback is credited with a progression of rights that have been legislated for lesbian and gay individuals. She said she knew early on that she wanted to focus her lifework in a social justice cause.
"She has devoted herself to this for so long," plaintiff John Anderson said.
"She has been there through the whole battle in a non-strident very effective way," he said.
Looking back
"I knew I would end up in social justice. When I decided to attend Yale Divinity it wasn't to be ordained. I felt a divinity degree would be helpful (in her lifework)," Stanback said.
It was at Yale, Stanback said, that she came out as a lesbian. "It was a very supportive community," she said.
While at Yale Stanback also met her love - Charlotte Kinlock.
"Charlotte was involved in lesbian activism. That is when I became involved with the Connecticut Coalition for Lesbian and Gay Civil Rights," Stanback said. She founded the New Haven chapter. From there she quickly became a co-director for the statewide organization. At the same time Stanback has been a lobbyist, been the executive director for NARAL ProChoice Connecticut and Connecticut Women's Education and Legal Fund and run a statewide campaign.
Then in 2000 Kinlock and friend Maureen Murphy convinced Stanback to start LMF. "It was the same year we passed the co-parent adoption bill," Stanback said.
The Lawsuit
In 2004 eight couples sued the state after being denied marriage licenses in Madison.
"With the success of Massachustts we suspected Connecticut might be the next state (to sue for marriage equality)." Stanback said.
"So we weren't surprised when we received a call from Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders to file a lawsuit," Stanback said.
"Anne Stanback is simply the best - smart, thoughtful, committed and unrelentingly focused on equality. All of us at GLAD cherish our relationship with her and cannot imagine a better partner," Lee Swislow, executive director of GLAD said of LMFs assistance with the lawsuit..
The ACLO was also involved as were Connecticut attorneys Murphy, Ken Bartschi and Karen Dowd.
Stanback said LMF was the public education and grass-roots organizing component.
"We kept up pressure in the legislature," Stanback said.
"It's been a great eight years getting to this point," Stanback said.
The 85-page decision penned by Justice Richard N. Palmer said the state legislature singled out gay men and lesbians for differential treatment by creating a separate legal classification for gays who like married couples wish to have their relationships recognized under law with civil unions in 2005.
"Ultimately the message is that what same-sex couples have is not as important or as significant as 'real marriage," the decision reads.
Connecticut joins Massachusetts and California in legalizing gay marriage.
"We conclude that, in light of the history of pernicious discrimination faced by gay men and lesbians, and because the institution of marriage carries with it a status and significance that the newly created classification of civil unions does not embody, the segregation of heterosexual and homosexual couples into separate institutions constitutes a cognizable harm," Palmer wrote.
Dissenting Justice Peter T. Zarella said the decision is based on unsupported assumptions that the essence of marriage is a loving, committed relationship between two adults. Zarella goes on to say that the "Ancient definition of marriage as the union of one man and one woman has its basis in biology, not bigotry...If the state no longer has an interest in the regulation of procreation then that is a decision for the legislature or the people of the state not this court."
Reaction
Plaintiffs Garrett Stack and Anderson of Woodbridge are both retired educators with the Stratford School System.
Asked why they participated in the lawsuit they said they felt they were a normal couple.
"We thought our long-term relationship offered us as a visible couple just like everyone else wanting exactly the same rights as everyone else gets," Anderson said.
"Marriage is an admission from the state that we are just as valuable as our neighbors are," Anderson said.
"Marriage is what people do when they are in love in our culture," Stack said.
"When you love someone and devote your life to them you get married," he added.
"The civil union law was crafted to make us feel like we were second-class," Anderson said of the 2005 legislation which offered the same rights and responsibility to same-sex couples with a different name than marriage.
"We pay first-class taxes and are now first-class citizens," Anderson said.
When asked if they felt any different they said not really.
"After 29 years it's hard to feel different. But there is a growing awareness that we have arrived to the point of equality," Anderson said,
"Once here what is the problem? What difference does this make to anyone in the state,' Anderson asked.
"This is not an assault on religious freedom." Anderson said referring to Bishop Peter Rosazza of the archdiocese of Hartford and New Haven. Anderson said he recently heard Rosazza speak.
"He said pretty soon we will demand to be married there (in the church) and want to use the parish halls for our reception," Anderson said.
"They can say no to anyone they want to as a private religious institution," Anderson said.
Adding that he believed those tactics were to create fear in people.
Stanback said she has seen little backlash with the ruling.
"People who wouldn't have actively supported it accept it," she said.
Not everyone is pleased homosexuals can now marry in Connecticut however.
Peter Wolfgang, is executive director of The Family Institute of Connecticut. His organization has fought LMF for years.
"Love Makes A Family actually failed in its mission. Its mission was to make Connecticut the first state to pass same-sex marriage democratically instead of by court order. The Family Institute of Connecticut defeated them every year at the legislature - even the one year they did achieve a victory with the civil union law in 2005 it could only pass with an amendment explicitly defining marriage as between a man and a woman," Wolfgang said.
"Ultimately it took four judges to undemocratically impose same-sex marriage in Connecticut," Wolfgang said.
Looking forward
Stanback believes there is still a lot of work for her organization to achieve.
"My hope is LMF will expand our mission to become a multitiered lesbian, gay, bisexual transgender grass-roots organization," she said.
Stanback is already focused on the next General Assembly. She said she will be focusing on transgender equality.
"I think we still have a long way to go in terms of getting people more comfortable with transgendered issues. There is a strong community in Connecticut to get this bill passed," Stanback said.
"I can't imagine being born into a body that said male when everything about me wanted to be female. That is, I think, from what I have read and heard is exactly the feeling," Stack said adding that many gender assignments are made by doctors at birth.
Stanback said she can also see LMF directing energy toward issues from health care to senior issues as well as increasing funding for LGBT services.
She also said she can see LMF working on a myriad of federal issues that affect the LGBT community. Including repealing the Don't Ask Don't tell bill and passing a federal hate crime law.
But ultimately the decision on how to proceed is up to the LMF supporters. A questionnaire has been sent out to LMF supporters electronically asking how to proceed. Stanback hopes there will be many thoughtful responses to help steer LMF on its future course.
"We have created one of the most powerful grass-roots organizations in the state," Stanback said.
"This was a result of the thousands and thousands of people around the state for the past eight years some regularly volunteering and some performing a single action. All of that together has gotten us to the success we have realized in Connecticut. It is a tribute to the power of grass-roots organizing," Stanback said.
"LMF is one of the premiere grass-roots organization in the country perhaps the world," Murphy said.
"They have gone from an organization with no funds to nearly half a million dollars today. They are a model around the world and country not just for LGBT communities but because they have become incredibly effective," Murphy said.
To learn more about Love Makes A Family go to www.lmfct.org or call 1-860-525-7777.
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