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Together 27 Years, Couple First In Madison To Receive Same-Sex Marriage License (Shore Line Times)
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
By: Hannah Vahl
MADISON - Donna Gardner and Cathy Griffith have loved each other for 27 years, but until last Wednesday, they could not give that love society's stamp of approval. The gay couple - who have been together since they were each 22 - showed up in the Town Clerk's office 30 minutes before it closed with their three kids and a camera.
Gardner, 49, a registered nurse, had worked from 7 p.m. to 5 a.m. at Yale-New Haven's pediatric emergency room the night before and was exhausted. It was the only time that she and Griffith, 49, a pathologist's assistant, could find to request a marriage license on the first day they were granted to same sex couples in Connecticut.
"We figured we might as well be first in town," said Griffith.
Their three children, twins Jake Gardner and Zach Gardner, 14 and their sister, Liz Gardner, 18, were there to show support in every sense of the word.
"I've always thought of my parents as married," said Zach Gardner. "Now it's just (going to be) official."
Gardner and Griffith have been together 27 years. Their three children all took the last name of Donna Gardner, their birth mother; they were conceived by artificial insemination. The couple had a commitment ceremony in 1988, where they both wore silver tuxedos. Then in 2006, they had a civil union, in part because Gardner's insurance, which covers the whole family, required it.
They held the civil union ceremony at the North Madison Congregational Church, then a reception at the Wharf Restaurant.
"It feels like the world's longest engagement," said Donna Gardner, after she and Griffith requested the license.
For the third time, they will be committing to each other. The couple has 65 days to get married, after which the license expires. They haven't planned the ceremony, though Donna Gardner said she expects it will be quiet and include their family minister.
"Third time's the charm," she joked.
But this time will be different. Griffith said it will be nice to be able to check the box for married on legal forms, instead of having to draw a box and write an explanation.
The new marriage licenses, rather than leaving a name for bride and groom, ask for the name of the bride/groom/spouse.
"We never thought we would see this in our lifetimes," said Griffith. Being able to request a marriage license, she added, "is validating. It feels right."
Still, said Griffith in a later interview, "It's only recognized in Connecticut and Massachusetts. It's not federally recognized. But it's a step in the right direction."
The couple was interviewed to be part of the case which legalized same sex marriage in Connecticut, Kerrigan vs. State, but were told that they didn't get picked because neither could take days off last minute to be in court.
They already successfully got Madison public school forms to read 'parent and parent' rather than 'mother and father.' Griffith used to be left off of a school student directory until she threatened legal action. Afterward, her name always appeared alongside Gardner's.
Donna Gardner said that although her kids have been teased about having two women as parents, "People (in Madison) have been incredibly supportive."
When the license was ready, Assistant Town Clerk Mary Bacqué said, "Good luck! Not that you need it. You've been together for so long."
Afterward, the couple took their kids to orchestra practice. Though they did also go out to dinner to celebrate.
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