Clergy Learn About Marriage for All (CT Conference United Church of Christ)
Monday, January 26, 2009
By: CT Conference UCC Staff

HARTFORD (01/26/2009) -- Over forty United Church of Christ pastors, chaplains, and clergy in other settings spent an afternoon gathering information about marriage in Connecticut for same-gender couples. Love Makes a Family religious organizer Obadiah Ballinger led the workshop on Thursday, January 22nd at United Church Center in Hartford, where he described the impact and limits of the law, spoke of helpful approaches to conversations in local churches, and offered resources for further study.

The attendees reported a wide range of opinion about marriage for same-gender couples among their parishes and settings. Some serve in congregations that have proclaimed themselves Open and Affirming (ONA), the phrase identifying UCC churches committed to full participation of gay and lesbian memebers, while other serve in places that have not undertaken that process. Some congregations have gladly opened their doors to same-gender weddings already, while others look toward lengthy discussion of the issue.

Ballinger, who is working toward ordination in the UCC in the Minnesota Conference, noted that while Connecticut's marrage law makes no distinction in rights or responsibilities between couples, other state laws and federal law definitely do. Married Connecticut residents may file joint income tax returns, for example, but same-gender couples must file separate returns with the federal Internal Revenue Service. At the moment, this actually requires these couples to file a second state return, reflecting their federal status.

This situation is the tip of the iceberg: over 1,000 federal guarentees to married couples are not available to those of the same gender legally married in Connecticut.

Ballinger offered clergy three cautions that should be presented to same-gender couples seeking marriage:

1. People planning to move to a state that will not recognize their marriage should know that, in the event they need to divorce, they will need to return to Connecticut to do so.
2. Couples planning to adopt may want to adopt first and marry later, as agencies are frequently reluctant to place children with same-sex couples.
3. Members of the military are subject to dismissal from the service and even prosecution, with loss of pension and military benefits.

Many of the ministers had questions about discussing the same-gender marriage issue in their churches. "Openness and transparency of communication," said Ballinger, "need to be part of the process." He recommended that lay people lead the conversation, to avoid the perception that it is the pastor's issue. "An ONA process should never be started by the pastor," he said. "It will give the process more authenticity... Otherwise ONA can leave with the pastor."

Important as well is to ground the conversation in broader discussions of human nature and sexuality. These are the groundwork for ONA.

Some service models are available on the Connecticut Conference's web site, which had been written prior to the availability of legal marriage.

Other issues raised included:

• Will the church be available to non-members? If not, what is the difference between making the church available to non-member couples of opposite genders?
• What about couples whose churches will not allow them to be married there, but whose pastors are willing? What accomodation can be made for them?
• What are the roles of clergy in marriage? Counselor, bearer of blessing, agent of the state: how to reconcile these?

Ballinger encouraged clergy, churches, and church leaders to continue to work for full equality. He asked that churches and couples let Love Makes a Family know about weddings so they can share the word; he asked pastors to share their views in local newspapers; he suggested book groups and film screenings. Marriage equality, he said, is a blessing to the community, to be extended lovingly and generously.