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Same-Sex Couples First Must Find A Willing And Able Cleric (Hartford Courant)
Friday, November 21, 2008
By: Elizabeth Hamilton
The Rev. Edward Horstmann has officiated at hundreds of weddings over the years, but the one he presided over Thursday afternoon will remain in his memory perhaps longer than any other.
It was the marriage of Angela Fischer, 40, and Tami Schmidt, 41 — who came to Hartford because their plans for a California wedding fell through when voters there outlawed gay marriage on Nov. 4. The two women, who live in Arizona, know their marriage won't be recognized in their home state, but that didn't really factor into their plans — or their joy.
As they knelt on the altar in the soaring main sanctuary of Immanuel Congregational Church, Horstmann married them with the "blessing of Christ's church" — words they never thought they would hear — and said their wedding day reminded him of the words of the Benedictine nun, Joan Chittister.
"She said, 'Who knows which snowflake it is on the branch that causes the branch to eventually fall. But I want to be there when it does,'" Horstmann said. "But today, something hasn't so much broken, but has started to soar, or fly. This is a remarkable day."
In Horstmann, Fischer and Schmidt found an unwavering supporter, but it won't be quite so easy for every same-sex couple wanting to marry in a Connecticut church. Just because the law says homosexual couples can marry, it doesn't mean clergy have to perform the ceremonies, or even have the authority to do so.
United Church Of Christ ministers like Horstmann belong to one of the few mainline Christian denominations that are allowing their clergy to choose how they respond to the new law, along with Reform and Conservative Jews.
Roman Catholics, Episcopalians, Methodists, Presbyterians, Evangelical Lutherans, Orthodox Jews and a variety of other denominations have clearly stated policies that clergy are not permitted to perform marriage rites for same-sex couples.
For many of these religious groups, the twin issues of same-sex marriage and the ordination of openly homosexual clergy have been divisive — some, like the Episcopal Church and the Methodists, have suffered painful schisms because of disagreements over the church's position about biblical authority and homosexuality.
In California, for example, United Methodist ministers defied orders from their bishop last summer and performed same-sex marriages before the law was overturned on the Nov. 4 ballot.
Davida Foy Crabtree, who heads the Connecticut Conference of the UCC, estimated that roughly 150 of the state's 330 active clergy are "standing by and waiting eagerly for the phone calls" from same-sex couples wanting to marry.
UCC ministers who are opposed to same-sex marriage, however, have no obligation to participate in them.
"We, as a conference, are welcoming of this decision," Foy Crabtree said. "But that doesn't mean all local pastors and churches are."
The American Baptist Church also allows its clergy to make up their own minds when it comes to marrying same-sex couples.
"The denomination has been trying to walk down the middle on this issue," said the Rev. Kenric Prescott, pastor of the Union Baptist Church. The 137-year-old church, which is traditionally African American, has about 250 members and is in the North End of Hartford.
But Prescott, who has served Union Baptist for 13 years, said he will not be performing same-sex marriages.
"My biblical understanding of marriage is that it's between a man and a woman," Prescott said.
That is also the understanding of the Episcopal Church, which has been on the brink of a split with the larger Anglican Church over its decision to ordain an openly gay bishop in 2003.
Connecticut Episcopal Bishop Andrew Smith said this is the first time in history that the state's definition of marriage no longer agrees with that held by the church.
Smith gave his permission in 2006 for Episcopal priests in his diocese to perform "pastoral blessings" for same-sex couples who have been joined in civil unions. He has extended that permission to allow for such blessings at same sex wedding ceremonies, but priests may not actually officiate at the weddings.
Instead, homosexual Episcopalians who want to be married in a church — at least for now — will have to find another denomination because, as Smith explained, the denomination's Book of Common Prayer defines marriage as a covenant between a man and a woman.
But at the denomination's annual conference last month, 26 clergy and lay people signed a resolution that passed by a two-thirds vote, imploring that Smith allow his priests the right to exercise their own discretion when officiating at same-sex marriages. Smith said he would take the resolution under advisement.
Obadiah Ballinger, the religious organizer for the advocacy group Love Makes a Family, said she has heard that some clergy, including Episcopal priests, "are working creatively within their guidelines" to participate in same-sex marriage ceremonies.
"This might involve having a [justice of the peace] or another authorized person sign the marriage license in a wedding service," Ballinger said. "Presumably, as long as the clergy do not sign the license, it counts as the blessing of a same-sex union and not the forbidden church/sacramental wedding."
The debate has been no less difficult for some factions of the Jewish faith. In the Conservative movement, for example, the issue spawned four separate opinions related to gays and lesbians — ranging from lenient to stringent, said Miriam Benson, executive director of the Connecticut Valley Region of the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism.
The outcome? Conservative rabbis are allowed to decide the issue for themselves, without fear that they will be expelled from the rabbinical assembly if they officiate at same-sex weddings.
Rabbi Daniel Satlow, of Congregation Beth El in Fairfield, said he has given the issue careful thought.
"It seems to me there's a clear-cut moral impetus toward affirming the right of individuals created in God's image to form sacred covenant with a life partner and for the religious community to bless that union," Satlow said.
Plus, Satlow said, there are two reasons for marriage in the Jewish tradition. One is to procreate, but the other is companionship, partnership.
"The point is that anybody who says the purpose of marriage is purely for procreation, well, would they refuse to marry two people who are past child-bearing years, or how about someone who is completely incapable of reproducing?"
Although gays and lesbians from throughout the nation can now marry in either Massachusetts or Connecticut, in most cases those marriages will not be recognized when the couple returns to their home state.
This is the case for Fischer and Schmidt, who will return home to Phoenix Saturday, but they said they wanted their children — who were featured prominently in their marriage vows Thursday — to know their commitment was real. The couple found Immanuel Congregational through Love Makes a Family.
"It validates our life together as we embark on this journey," said Fischer, who is the one bringing the five children — who range in age from 2 to 9 and are a mix of biological, adopted and foster kids — into the marriage. "It's hard to even find the words, but it is so affirming to have it be legal."
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