Finally, The Special Day They've Been Waiting For (New London Day)
Thursday, November 13, 2008
By: Karin Crompton

But it still meant something important to them to make that declaration - "We're married" - and say it without a smidgen of defiance, without knowing inside that, legally, it wasn't true. It is official now: Arthur Robbins and Robert Carter are married. The couple got married just outside their front door on Wednesday by a justice of the jeace, Maggi Prokop, with a longtime friend, Grace DeVenese, standing by.

The state Supreme Court's Oct. 10 ruling allowing gay marriage became law Wednesday morning when New Haven Superior Court Judge Jonathan Silbert entered final judgment in the case. Connecticut became the third state in the country to legalize same-sex marriage, although Californians repealed their law on Election Day.

It was difficult to determine Wednesday how many same-sex couples applied for marriage licenses and how many got married. In southeastern Connecticut, according to a quick round of calls to town clerks' offices just before closing, it appeared there were fewer than a dozen couples who applied for licenses.  

According to the lobbying organization Love Makes a Family, there were “at least” dozens of couples statewide who married on Wednesday, though the group does not keep official statistics.

Robbins, 57, and Carter, 51, went to East Lyme Town Hall a little after 10 a.m. but had to wait for the town clerk's office to receive a fax that let clerks know they could legally issue the licenses. Robbins said they had their paperwork in order by about 10:45 a.m.

A little after noon, they were ready for their ceremony. DeVenese went to the front yard and asked the construction workers across the street if they could turn off their machines for a few moments because there was about to be a wedding. The construction workers complied, and, upon seeing who was getting married, took out cell phones to snap photos.

The ceremony was just a few minutes long. The men took off the rings they had bought for their Oct. 3, 2005, civil union and put them on each other's fingers again for the marriage ceremony. Prokop pronounced them united in marriage. Noodle the poodle, the couple's small white dog, watched from the front door.

Arthur grabbed Robert's face in his hands for a quick kiss and a hug, and that was as exuberant as the couple became. The marriage was really a formality.

”Here we are, 51 and 57 years old, now getting to this point where we have rights,” Carter had said earlier. “We should have had (them) all along, not go through the courts.” He added later: “I do count! I'm not a second-class citizen like they said.”

Other couples decided to wait for various reasons. John De La Roche of East Lyme said in an e-mail that he and his partner, Mike Hargrave, are not ready yet for financial reasons. The couple has waited for marriage and did not go through a civil union.

Sarah Cahill and Sally McGee of Norwich, who went to Norwich City Hall annually to symbolically apply and be denied a marriage license, will go on Friday afternoon after their 2-year-old son, Theo, gets up from his nap, Cahill said.

Cahill and McGee had a commitment ceremony in 2004 with friends and family, went to Massachusetts that same year to get married there, and joined in a civil union in Connecticut.

”We joke that we're on our fourth marriage,” Cahill said Wednesday, adding that, on Friday, “It's more about paperwork and go out to dinner.”

Cahill said out-of-state couples will come to Connecticut for the symbolism of marriage the way she and McGee went to Massachusetts.

”I think couples will come to Connecticut because there's that piece about feeling validated as a couple and by society,” she said. “You get it wherever you can, so to speak.”

In Waterford Town Hall early Wednesday afternoon, Erin Wraight and Jessie Frechette, who had a civil union ceremony in June, waited for their marriage license. The couple hasn't picked a date but is considering a small ceremony on Nov. 28.

”It's just a wonderful feeling overall to know you can get a marriage license and it's the same across the board, for everybody,” Frechette said. “It's no different.”